I have remained silent about my experience with Orbynot for the past few years because revisiting painful memories doesn’t change what happened to me four years ago. However, I have recently become the target of severe harassment via text messages again, as Orbynot is scheduled to perform with a new lineup on Saturday, November 16, 2024. Please refer to my Instagram post for the text messages I received this week. https://www.instagram.com/p/DCYUkqFOiR5/?igsh=MWg2d3dxeDdza3d3cw==
I’ve been incredibly busy working on my own music and projects, and honestly, I forgot about this show. Recently, I started a new podcast and have achieved a lot in the music scene, both on stage and behind the scenes, since my departure. I was aware of this show for some time because the club hosting it accidentally offered me tickets to sell. I kindly informed them that I was no longer with the band, and everything was fine. In fact, I think my friend who offered me the tickets felt bad for bringing it up, especially considering the heartache I experienced due to the circumstances.
I want to discuss the bullying and harassment I’ve experienced recently due to Orbynot’s reunion. Over the past week, I’ve been dealing with a significant amount of negativity, and I feel it’s important to remind my friends and fans about the challenging experiences I’ve endured over the years. I hope to dispel any rumors and put an end to this negativity.
Starting my journey with Orbynot was a truly magical experience. I first met Tonybro at Metal Mike Chlasciak's class, where I was an instructor at the School of Rock and assisted Mike's group. Tony immediately stood out to me because of his upbeat and fun demeanor. I was very eager to join his band, and I felt like the luckiest woman in the world when he asked me to be a part of it.
Tonybro was instrumental in restoring my self-esteem. He supported my escape from an abusive marriage and facilitated self-expression when other outlets were unavailable. During this period, I suffered greatly due to physical abuse by my ex-husband, including an incident in our yard where he pushed me, causing me to tear my right ACL while attempting to steady myself. Following surgery, Tony taught me to walk again. There was one occasion when I showed up at Tony’s house looking very bruised, but I hid my injuries behind my hair. I forced a smile for his parents because I didn’t want to make a bad impression. However, when we went to his basement, he noticed my bruises and treated me with compassion and love.
Tony was kind to my child, and he was also nice to my dog and cats. I honestly hadn’t experienced much compassion or kindness in my life, so it was deeply refreshing. I truly believed he was a friend for life. Tony and I made an excellent team. We collaborated on songwriting, attended shows, and invited others to join our band. We regularly posted updates on social media as a duo. Once at a music industry gathering with a somewhat eerie atmosphere, I felt uneasy, but Tony alleviated my discomfort that evening, assuring me he's "always have my back" as we departed the party together. We played several live shows and participated in the “Metal Heroes” camps, where we assisted many students. Together, we also made numerous friends within the New Jersey Metal Scene. One time we attended a very strange music industry party and I became uncomfortable. That night Tony told me he’d “always have my back.”
Over time, I began to notice some controlling behavior regarding the band’s image and the topics we covered in our songs, particularly anything that could be considered controversial. He never wanted our albums to have a “Parental Advisory” sticker, so I thought, “Whatever, this is Tony’s band. I’ll try to stick to the guidelines.” However, he soon started to micromanage my stage outfits. These were clothes that many fans looked forward to seeing, but he was bothered by bright colors because he thought they didn’t look “badass.”
He even tried to manage my stage moves. I recall one instance when he suggested that I take a “stage moves” class, which involved him dancing around his living room to our songs in an attempt to show me how to perform. After watching his demonstration, I ended up showing him what I envisioned for my stage performance instead. He sat there, stroking his chin, and said, “Oh… so I see you’ve invented your own stage moves.” As a trained dancer, I was puzzled as to why I would need such a class, but I wanted to make him happy since it was his band. As a result, I often found myself jumping around like a foolish monkey on stage. However, we learn from our mistakes. I was always very confident on stage; to me, there is no such thing as stage fright. I just do what I do and aim to make the crowds happy.
Tony and I performed in numerous shows over the years. We built many business connections and had a lot of fun. These performances were beneficial for our careers and provided us with valuable experience. We have been through it all together.
Like many bands, our lineup underwent changes as some musicians found it difficult to get along with Tony, while others wanted to follow their own interests. Additionally, some members grew frustrated with Tony’s constant micromanagement. This is when David Frech entered the picture; he is the drummer for Thanatotic Desire and the owner of DF Motorworks in North Haledon, NJ.
As many of you know, I started a relationship with Frech after he drummed for Orbynot for a few months. I realize I broke a cardinal rule by dating a bandmate, but I did my best to support him in every way I could and to be a loyal and loving girlfriend. I consistently prepared breakfast, lunch, and dinner for him, and I financially covered most of our meals and activities. Despite my efforts, he often treated me poorly, and I can’t understand why I stayed in that relationship for so long.
During my relationship with Frech, I unfortunately experienced two pregnancies. The first ended in a miscarriage, which I believe was caused by the stress he put me through. The second pregnancy ended in a loss that is beyond belief; I find it difficult to even talk about it these days. Despite these traumatic experiences, I chose to remain in the relationship, although I struggle to understand why. Part of my fear was that if we broke up, Tony might not want me in his band anymore.
On the night of my first miscarriage, I performed at a show. Tony was thrilled to be headlining our very first performance at Debonair Music Hall, and it meant so much to him. Despite the incredibly difficult circumstances, I took to the stage because I wanted to support him. Backstage, I was in excruciating pain, bleeding from the loss of my child. The others were aware of what was happening, yet they allowed the show to continue. I still struggle to understand why I agreed to perform that night. Why did I prioritize the band over my own health? Why did they prioritize the band over my well-being?
At one point, we filmed music videos. Our first video shoot was quite a disaster. Tony wanted us all to wear latex masks and portray zombies, but I have a severe latex allergy. Naturally, he was frustrated that I couldn't participate as a zombie in the video, so he didn’t include me much in that particular shoot.
I was genuinely confused and thought that was our only opportunity to film, so I expressed that my feelings were hurt because, as the lead singer, I was barely featured in the music video. I was distressed, to be honest. Tony was quick to make me feel like I was being childish. He said condescending things that made me feel stupid, and I ended up tearfully apologizing and crying for the rest of the day. At that point, I began to realize how toxic the situation was, but I was still in deep denial.
At our second-to-last show, we performed alongside “Last In Line,” and I had the opportunity to do a special performance with the band during soundcheck. There was a lot of drama surrounding this show, which prompted me to write an article about it a few years ago. You can read the article right here: https://www.heavymetalrose.com/post/life-on-the-new-jersey-heavy-metal-scene-in-the-eyes-of-metal-rose-part-1
The most hurtful aspect of the “Last In Line” show was Tony and Frech’s inability to take pride in my accomplishments, instead showing resentment towards me.
During my second pregnancy, I came close to carrying the baby to full term. Unfortunately, I experienced both mental and physical abuse, which ultimately led to another loss. Throughout this difficult time, Tony seemed uninterested in hearing about my struggles or listening to me. I tried to discuss the abuse I was enduring, but it was challenging to reach him as he was preoccupied with a new relationship. You know how busy people can get when they start a new romance, right? I justified his behavior by thinking that he was simply caught up in his new relationship, but I really needed his support. He had been so understanding during the times my ex-husband abused me. I genuinely thought he would recognize that I was in another difficult situation due to my trusting nature.
After my second pregnancy loss, Tony suggested getting a stand-in performer for me at the Bumblefoot show. It was clear that his feelings for me had changed, and that hurt deeply. Where was my best friend and business partner? Why wasn’t he there for me during such a difficult time? Why would he ask me to take a break when I had just experienced such a significant loss? Wouldn’t performing help me feel a little better? I have always been the kind of person who gets up after falling down. I never just lie down and die.
I believe various factors were at play behind my back that eluded my awareness. Until the end, I genuinely regarded Tony as a friend, oblivious to his long-standing resentment. While acknowledging disagreements among band members and imperfect relationships, I was unaware of Tony's intense hatred. The COVID-19 pandemic induced widespread insanity, causing individuals to terminate meaningful friendships over differing opinions and health preferences. As an advocate for the anti-lockdown movement, I suspect Tony's fear drove his actions. I firmly believe our freedoms were assaulted, and this conviction remains. I vividly recall masked individuals staring at me in terror while still willing to share a joint, which was perplexing. What the actual fuck?
What I know for certain in the aftermath of everything is that, to make matters worse, Frech and Tony spread malicious lies about me, claiming that I had “faked” my pregnancies. It was the most sickening and embarrassing experience I have ever faced. Not only did I have to mourn my loss, but I also had to endure the pain of being told that my grief was a lie. I’m not sure anyone can truly understand how cruel that is.
I often struggle with the thought of what it would have been like if my son, Johnny, had a sibling. Seeing my friends with children the same age as my baby would have been breaks my heart. I mourn the family and experiences I lost, and this weighs heavily on me constantly. It truly hurts when someone treats my situation as if it’s insignificant or fabricated. My loss isn’t for anyone’s entertainment; I am not part of your freak show. How would you feel if you experienced a loss like mine, only to have people tell you they “don’t care” or that it’s all a “lie”? Try to survive that.
As I terminated my relationship with Frech and relocated my belongings from his residence on the eve of my second knee surgery, he provoked a physical altercation. My ACL tear resulted from his insistence on sending me on an unnecessary errand weeks earlier, leaving me frustrated and questioning my relationship priorities. Due to COVID restrictions, surgery was delayed 16 weeks, and without support, I often reflected on Tonybro's absence and feared losing mobility. During the altercation, Frech and his sister physically assaulted me, took my cane and attempted to take my child's Nintendo Switch, brought for repair. What justification did they have? What the fuck was going on? Why couldn’t they just let me leave with my things?
To make matters worse, I still wasn’t in a safe enough place to call Tony and explain what had happened, but he kept calling me repeatedly. I could only text him from the police station because I was so terrified and urgently needed a restraining order as a single woman with a small child at home. Finally, I was getting the protection I required. Tony didn’t even wait to hear me out; he didn’t care whether I was safe or not. He just cut me off without any conversation or explanation.
Going public about my experiences resulted in me being harassed through text messages. Someone has my phone number and continues to create fake numbers to contact me. Even now, four years later, they consistently tell me how terrible I am and that I shouldn’t be alive. I don’t understand why I am still dealing with this.
Back to the story: About a month later, a friend of mine called Tony, and it was disheartening to hear that he genuinely believed I was lying. What made it even more painful was that he completely shut down any conversation about the situation, as if he were in total denial. It hurt to have my name tarnished, especially by someone I considered a close friend. People see Tony as a "good guy," but in reality, he treated me like a stranger while placing his trust in Frech, despite Frech’s questionable history.
I’m not judging Frech for his past, but I still don’t understand why Tony would deem me untrustworthy, particularly given Frech’s background. Honestly, why would Tony choose to maintain a friendship with a drummer who lacks talent and personality? How could I involve myself with such two-faced individuals? I sacrificed so much time with my son to pursue a career, only to face this betrayal. I compromised my own physical and mental health for this? I’ll never understand why I stayed in that situation for so long. I just wanted to be part of something, I guess. I fell for… “The Emptiness Machine…”
Tony's collaboration with Tim "Ripper" Owens on two tracks, at $2,500 per session, sparks questions. Tony worked with Tim despite previously speaking negatively about him to me and others while booking "The Three Tremors" for my birthday in 2019, citing allegiance to "Halford" as Metal Mike is Halford's guitarist and both Tim and Halford were Judas Priest's lead vocalists. It's surprising that people criticize Tim for replacing Halford during his solo endeavors. This partnership makes me question Tony's integrity, given Tim's status as a hero of mine. Tony hired Tim to upset me after ejecting me from the band, demonstrating no genuine interest in Tim's music.
In the United States, freedom of preference is a fundamental right. If you choose to support Orbynot or Thanatotic Desire, that is your decision, and I support your freedom. However, I advise you to approach this group cautiously, as their behavior indicates self-interest, insincerity, and deep-seated insecurity.
Over the past four years, I have focused on moving forward in my life. I have gone on tours, energized crowds with my Iced Earth tribute band, and engaged in meaningful work advocating for causes I believe in and support. I will continue this work with passion. I have formed meaningful friendships and deep connections with many people in the music industry.
Despite these encouraging developments, I have faced disparaging text messages, harassment from a few individuals, and ongoing rumors behind my back leading me to address and share the immature conduct I have experienced this week. As always, I will persist and remain a prominent, controversial and infamous woman in the New Jersey metal scene, regardless of public opinion.
Here is a video where I narrate my article and provide commentary.
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